Almost done - Daily Thought #2

I had this idea couple years ago of writing the things I want to do and put them in a box and in the end of the year am supposed to read them and through out all the ones I actually accomplished . well I was kinda frustrated that I didn't have to through any of them !! what I shock ! but what was a greater shock is most of the things I wrote I forgot that I wanted to do them . which bring me to writing this off though I have 2 final exams tomorrow . 

Lesson Learned : In order to remember the things you want to do . make sure you keep reminding your self about them not stuff them in box !! though the idea seem cute . but actually you get drowned by your daily life and stress , that you sometimes forget the things on the side , specially if they don't relate to what you do everyday . 

 

Daily Advice : Goals are an awesome things to have . many people call me a dreamer because I have all those crazy - to them - dream but I don't care I believe that I can work to get what I want . I do the realize the hard work and effort need to put up . but as well am welling to imagine myself in there after . and because I get caught up so much in "life" . don't hesitate to remind your self with all that things you want,even if you had to write / talk about - to the mirror is included - but always keep it sight , in mind . work out a plan or as I prefer plans . and most importantly create a reason for all that you do to work it out . 

Daily Thought Part 1 - In General

I have made quite nothing the past couple weeks , not counting the graduation project and the extra drama I created on the side .. stressing about deadlines . and well stressing about the fact that am graduating soon , and I will have all the time I wanted to sleep . well two points I want to bring up which is why writing all of this .

First : stress in general 
I was watching a TED-Talk the other day that was talking about how to deal with stress , the lady sounds very convincing telling you that all the - fast heart beat - sweating and trembling arms and legs are merely your body preparing you to what's coming your heart beats fast to give you more oxygen so you can be more focused and alert , and so on . I truly was convinced by all that and kept reminding my self with it last week . but I had another kind of problem I became so low tempered . the slightest thing would make me angry . my idea of working crashed to what I had . which taught me another kind of lesson . don't work with friends , I mean don't compromise things just for the sake of friendship . specially if you'r like me , can feel uncomfortable with the things you find out along the way .


Second : What I want - GENERAL 
since am 3 days away from my last final exam , and 20 days away from graduation for good . you start thinking about your options later . I always said that I know what I want and am going to - go for it - but now am closing up on it .. I actually don't know !! is that so bad ?? I mean I guess it's a little normal to feel little lost now . but I just don't want to stay like that for a while !! I want to get out of that soon .. I was checking job opportunities this morning I even applied for some . and for now I guess I want to just apply and interview .. and along the way I will continue to look for something I want to do ..
The idea of getting a second journalism degree keeps getting to mind while I write this . so I guess I have a good place to start with ..

My advice : 
am not a specialist or anything , but hopefully this will get to someone who needs it .
- don't freak out if you're stressing over something , but remind your self that it's all preparing you for what's coming !!
- figure out what you want , don't just settle for being alive and well .

Decisions

Good mornings everyone .. It's been quite a while since I have posted anything here or even write anything that matters , and that's sad , because I know somehow that it means am lacking a bit of clarity , overwhelmed choices  . and not being able to figure exactly why am still drifting away is still a part of the puzzle .. but here I am today making another "uneasy" choice and am well aware of its consequences to write bunch of scrambled words about few choices and decision  I have made recently that I have to admit though the process wasn't quite "right" but it's working just fine for me - so far at least .

So decision #1 :
Dying my hair in every color I want - not all at once .. again not now at least .
so I have asked my parents and brother about what they think about me dying my hair copper red , since there is a lot of parties coming up the next couple of months , and they all raged in my face about just how beautiful my hair looks like without anything , and I should leave it the same , but the point they all missed isn't that I wasn't confident enough about how I look , but I wanted the change , god I even need it . and you realize the importance of the change , few things may seem fine the way they are .. and everything is working fine with it , that we forget that change can be as good as right now , even better sometimes . true it can be a lot worse , but as one of my life rules , is that it's enough that we have gone through the journey itself . so basically - away from the girly hair color issue -  I am prompting CHANGE  .. whenever you're feeling comfortable where you are , then it's time to change ..

Decision #2
HONESTY .. to be honest this is the most difficult decision I have to confess that I am struggling with , see almost 4 years ago I came to the conclusion that I am not as quite as honest as I  "thought" and started doing some life changing things regarding me always being honest about how I feel , and always question the reason I do anything - since it's all connected in my case -  and I have .. truly have , and the best kind of decisions came out and more kind of "happy endings " . But here's the thing sometimes your doing something for so long , that you forget why or even what you're doing .. LOST is probably a good word here , but it's the weird kind , the one where you don't even know you're in ..
So I thought it was very useful if I write some goals , and express feeling in specific words on pieces of paper and keep them in a box  - like shredded diary - and in the end of the month you would just read all about how you feel , and have a new perspective on them probably have a new feelings . to be able to look back at things and how you felt about them , make the next decisions based on how you are feeling , should feel regarding "temporary" feelings . Look back at old times / feeling ,, feel again then think again .

I wish he knew how much she cares , how much she loved his imperfections , loved the way he made her nervous , wished he called when she feels down .. small words from him would turn things around .. wishing he would clean out the road so she can make one last choice .. rather that just standing at the cross road wondering how much she will regret not going on the other one .. remembering all the things people in love said about how painful waiting can be .. never thinking she will be on that side . loving him much to let him go seemed like the song .. not the reality that she can actually do , lying to her self that he's finally out of her mind ..
As much as she was taken off with the ideas of flying marshmallows dreams that he stupidly shared it with a sunken heart from sweetness , promising her with life ..
Parents always said that sweet will do no good , never to realize that they were talking about all sweet stuff . sweet devils teeth !! 

Why so sad !!

 Yesterday I attended an event in my university , and honestly it was well done by the student , and the cause was something not given the interest it should have . the campaign was named " why your sad " they went around the university asking people why are you grumpy .. trying to find a reasonable answer so they can give solutions !! It is given as granted that Jordanian people are always grumpy .. it is a part of our culture .. but the truth is ... most people just don't really understand what makes them happy .. it's not sitting around waiting for miracles .. or complaining about mistakes people do , that you your self do them .. not about bossing around waiting for people to accomplish your dreams .. Happiness is when you work out a miracle .. miracles to people who need it , happiness is when you start the change .. and stop preaching people with words - though it can be so powerful if lined well - but with goodness that you show them and give them , it's about inspiring other to be happy .. successful .. honest .. We watched stand up comedy and many others activities that made us laugh . but people forget that once they walk from the doors .. it wasn't enough to change our daily perspective .. to change how we take things . and control our reactions !! The process to that isn't exactly a picnic .. but we can at least try .. Spread words of Joy . happiness .. you never know when you might change someone's entire day .

 “Would you like to save the world from the degradation and destruction it seems destined for? Then step away from shallow mass movements and quietly go to work on your own self-awareness. If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.”  ~Lao Tzu  

The idea seems pretty charming if I can see him again . it's strange how total strangers can effect us without the slightest interaction with us .. one moment to be remembered .. I wish I can see him again everyday and don't realize that he's the same guy I saw today so I would still hope to see him again in a different day , and think that there is more than one that can effect me in such a way without having enough of me to hurt me 

we grow .. but we forget along the process that it;s not just about adding numbers the years we're wasting , but we should grow to be who we want .. better version of the character we want , make a difference , in ourselves and others . choose the colors of our own vision ..